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Wife Threatens to Spill Poisonous Secret in Divorce

DEAR ABBY: I am 45 and currently going through a divorce. My soon-to-be ex-wife and I have a 14-year-old daughter, "Gina," and I have custody.

Fourteen years ago, when my wife became pregnant with Gina, we had talked about abortion. We even had an appointment scheduled, but on the day of the appointment we decided not to go through with it. I thank God that we did have our child.

Gina knows nothing about any of this, but my future ex has threatened to tell her. My daughter is mature for her age and intelligent, but I feel the time is not right for her to know. Given the situation, I feel she should hear it from me because of the close relationship we have.

Do you agree that the news should wait until the divorce is final and the dust settles, or should I tell her now? -- DADDY WHO CARES

DEAR DADDY: I see no reason your daughter should ever be told that she wasn't planned for and wanted. I cannot think of one single positive thing that being given such news -- by either you or your soon-to-be ex -- would accomplish.

Your wife may be so filled with anger that she is not in her right mind right now. And if she does pour that poison in your daughter's ear, the antidote is to tell Gina that you thank God for her every day and cannot imagine life without her.

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DEAR ABBY: I am in a bit of a muddle. I have had a platonic friendship with "Greg" for four years. He is married, and I have a longtime boyfriend, "Randall."

About a year ago, Greg and I crossed the line into a romantic relationship. I guess you could call it an affair. Greg was unhappy with his marriage, and I was unsettled in my relationship. The affair ended six months ago, along with Greg and my friendship.

I felt so bad about the whole thing that I confessed and apologized to Randall, who (surprisingly) is still with me. He says he loves me. I realized that Randall is very dear to me, and I have no intention of ever repeating this kind of episode again.

As for Greg, I accept that our romantic relationship is over. But I feel sad that our friendship is over, too. He never told me I can't approach him or speak to him again. I don't know how to get our friendship back, if I even can. Can you provide any suggestions? -- MUDDLED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MUDDLED: You are taking a lot for granted. First you are assuming that Greg wants to renew the friendship. You are also assuming that his wife would ever want you in the picture again, and last, you're assuming that Randall would not feel threatened.

Because you have asked for suggestions, I'm happy to offer one: Move on.

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DEAR ABBY: Some people find "pennies from heaven" -- I find dimes. My late husband once asked me whose image is on the dime, not remembering he had told me it was Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR). My husband's initials were also FDR. Knowing my darling watches over us always, I have saved every one I see and now have a box full of them. -- ELAINE IN MARYLAND

DEAR ELAINE: Here's my 10 cents worth: If the coins bring you comfort, then the next time you spot one let it serve as a warm reminder that all that glitters is not gold -- or even money. Sometimes it's a message from above.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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