There Oughta be a Law… Against the BCS?
How's everyone out there enjoying the peace, prosperity, vibrant job market, efficient health care system and flawless public education?
Presumably, all those are in the bag since Congress is back spending its time on the college football playoff.
Another bill is in the pipeline, the news from Washington this week that a House subcommittee has voted through a proposal to force the issue. Your tax dollars at work: Passing legislation to get Cincinnati and TCU into a playoff.
As it is, these two teams have been condemned to the cruel and inhuman conditions of having to spend a week in winter in New Orleans and Phoenix, playing in bowl games that last year paid out a lousy $17 million.
Shameful, is it not? Clearly, Capitol Hill has to act.
Never mind the weary argument that these folks might have other things to do. In December, the unemployed and uninsured just have to take their place in line - behind what to do about Boise State.
Matter of fact, maybe those of us who wonder about misplaced perspective should go the other way in our thinking. While elected officials are in such a sporty mood, let's have the government address the many other football problem areas and injustices.
So we call on Congress to . . .
- Pass a bill banning the hiring of new college coaches until after the bowl games. That way, the guys seeking jobs won't have to worry over keeping straight faces while lying to their players, administration, media and boosters.
And the players won't get shafted. Now, after doing all they've been asked to do - working and sacrificing for months to earn a bowl trip - they sometimes have to play it without their coach, who is in another time zone with a fat new contract.
- Tighten federal regulations on when to gamble on fourth down. The NFL has become rife with abuse this season, and it can be very unsettling to domestic tranquility. Call it the Belichick Law.
- End the stain of football discrimination in the Ivy League.
Do you realize that no matter how good Harvard or Yale or any one of the other SAT-enriched teams might be, it can't participate in the NCAA playoffs?
Apparently, the Ivy League believes postseason football is not compatible with its philosophy. No word on what happens to that philosophy in the spring when the league basketball champion gets to play in the NCAA tournament.
- Order an appearance before a subcommittee hearing by those dangerous, suspicious and hard-nosed characters who have been accused this week of recruiting violations and improprieties.
We speak, of course, of the Tennessee hostesses.
- Pass a freedom-of-expression act, so anyone - not just Chad Ochocinco - can wear a sombrero after NFL touchdown passes.
As an addendum, call on the budget director to come up with plan on how best to spend all of Ochocinco's fines.
- Threaten government intervention if the NFL doesn't cease and desist the annual looting of season ticket holders every August. In other words, no more making them pay full price for meaningless exhibition games.
- Launch an investigation into mystifying NFL injuries. No, not the concussions. What the public really wants to know is how Jim Sorgi - Peyton Manning's backup with the Indianapolis Colts, meaning he plays about six minutes a season - ended up on the injured reserve list.
- Consider sending stimulus money to both the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New England Patriots. If they think Wall Street had a one-year dip, the Steelers might go from winning the Super Bowl to missing the playoffs.
Meanwhile, the Patriots not only have lost their aura and their defense, but Bill Belichick can't even get some of them to arrive at practice on time.
- Legislate a vaccination program to prevent the further spread of bowl games.
- Offer a resolution on who should be the next coach at Notre Dame. Everyone else has.
Contact Mike Lopresti at mlopresti(AT)gannett.com