BP: Try the ‘Joe Joe’ Method!
I know that millions of people around the world have been watching and waiting for the Gulf oil leak to be capped and stopped. But in the end, those watching have been disappointed. With all of the technical know-how and millions of dollars spent to date, isn’t it amazing that just one bright idea hasn’t popped to the top.
We’ve seen the Top Hat method, the Top Kill method and the Junk Shot method followed by another Top Kill method. Finally, a leaking cap (top hat with holes) has been successfully installed but it is only collecting a miniscule amount of oil. The rest of the leaking oil is quickly filling the Gulf of Mexico. Our man in charge, Admiral Thad Allen, keeps repeating that he is cautiously optimistic” about this method working. Oh, but BP is tightening the screws on it and closing the holes. Meanwhile, BP’s technicians say that this “top hat with holes” will “one day” divert 90% of the leaking oil to waiting ships.
Just wait and see when the top pops off of the “new top hat with holes” like a rocket to the moon. Then you’ll hear President Obama yelling, “BP, you got some 'splainin' to do!”
But, when this “New Top Hat Method” fails, BP has a “New New Top Hat method.” It is calling this new new method the “Overshot Tool.” This idea is supposed to really work like the top hat and new top hat but better. And trust me, I think they are right. I have no reason to doubt their words. Their ideas have performed exactly as intended in the past.
Now it is my turn for an idea.
Maybe it is time that we take a look at the other end of this leak. The source of the oil. If they have been working on the throat (the top of the well hole) it might be easier to work on its behind (the bottom of the well hole).
My method (which I call Joe Joe aka Mary’s Poppins) is simple. First, MIT will create a 50” tall all steel umbrella. On its top there would be a giant weight able to withstand the force the flowing fountain of oil. A cable would be tied to the end of the umbrella rod. The umbrella would be lowered top first into the flowing well. Once it reaches the bottom of the drilled hole and five feet further into massive oil reserve, a button would be pressed and the umbrella would open. The force of the oil pressure would self-seal the well with the open umbrella like a strong gust of wind in a storm.
If it is impossible to use enough weight to drop this umbrella like fishing lure down the well then the original drilling pipe should be used to push it downward and into place. If the umbrella is impossible to create (which I doubt), it would be possible to manufacture an inflatable balloon.
This is a temporary method but it will provide the time necessary for the relief wells to be completed. Remember, with approaching hurricanes, time is of the essence.
If the “New Top Hat” actually works, its point of failure is that a ship must be topside to gather the oil. Storms may force the ships to leave recreating another spill as long as the storms continue. In other words, this is not a solution.
BP, PLEASE TRY JOE JOE!