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Winners & Losers: Ed Waters College, St. Johns River

Readers who haven't been hiding under a rock somewhere might notice that it's been really hot outside lately. Too bad World Cup is over, because it gave us an excuse to stay inside with the air conditioning.

In case you weren't paying attention after the United States lost, Spain eventually ended up winning. At least they're winning something, after losing the Western Hemisphere and the Philippines. Ouch.

Well, let's take a look at some other winners and losers a bit closer to home...

WINNER: The I-10 to I-95 interchange, which gets to laugh over a cosmic joke at our expense. The concrete behemoth is set to flip this weekend - traveling east on I-10, you'll go left for I-95 South and right for I-95 North. Yeah, you read that right. Got a problem with it?

LOSER: All of the unlucky, unaware, profusely cursing motorists who weren't paying attention and end up circling around Prudential to get back to Union Street, or vice-versa. A lot of people are going to be late for meetings Monday morning.

"We think people are going to like it," said Department of Transportation spokesman Mike Goldman.

Yeah Mike, I'm sure they will. DOT should mount cameras at the interchange and take reaction pictures of people who realize they're headed in entirely the wrong direction, and then post them online.

WINNER: The African Methodist Episcopal Church, for helping Edward Waters College to put away its debt. One of Jacksonville's oldest educational institutions, EWC has a central place in the community and deserves our support. Although the school has had some challenges to overcome recently, they can now get a fresh start thanks to AMEC.

LOSER: The unknown burglar(s) who stole from the Justina Youth Football league in Arlington. Hungry people might steal food, but pads and equipment can't be eaten. Chances are the gear will soon turn up on Craigslist or in a pawn shop. Hard economic times are a reality for many on the First Coast, but this is a clear case of greed that steals from a youth program that is successful at keeping kids out of trouble during the summer months.

WINNER: The cast of Jersey Shore, apparently...each of whom is probably going to get $30k per episode just for being their regular obnoxious selves. That's another season for the fist-pumping, face-punching, poofy-haired train wreck. If you've never seen the show, check it out at least for a minute or two; it's a high-density package of guaranteed horrifics. Take precautions ahead of time, though - for example, stow all firearms and close your windows if you live above the third floor.

LOSER: The St. Johns River, which is choked with some sort of mutant alien styro-gel. Visibly floating down the river, this junk is a clear indication of deplorable river health. The city says this is a byproduct of the decomposition of algae blooms...which raises the obvious question: why do we have algae blooming in the river to begin with? Well, because homeowner's associations often require their residents to fertilize their lawns into an unnatural-looking turf mat.

I prefer to let my grass run wild like monkeys in the jungle. HOAs be damned!


In addition to offering up his weekly winners and losers in The Jacksonville Observer, Graham Wellington enjoys bacon, fancy hats and prank calling apartment complexes on Park Street.

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