Winners & Losers: EverBank, Jim Overton
Well, maybe it'll take care of some of the hot air, which should be a top priority what with election season coming around. That's right...elections! Campaigns! Slather on the Vick's and don those hip waders, because in this issue of Winners and Losers, we're getting into politics!
WINNERS: The Jaguars, Everbank and Biff Tannen.
Everbank agreed to have its name plastered on the side of the stadium, but managed to talk the team down to $16.6 million over five years. To make up for their lack of ability - and of course I mean in negotiating advertising contracts - the Jaguars decided to politely opt out of giving the City our previously agreed-upon fair share (25%) in return for the city continuing to pay for stadium upkeep and God only knows what else.
Peyton has agreed to and signed off on the undeal in order to keep the team in the city. After all, everyone is consistently and enthusiastically flocking to buy tickets, and there's never any cheesy programs designed to temporarily inflate sales at all.
LOSER: William Billy Kogut, a Republican candidate for Florida's open Senate seat.
In an interview with the editorial board of the Orlando Sentinel, Kogut makes it obvious that for the last several weeks, he has been doing everything but preparing for the interview. At one point the candidate admits that his numbers are completely wrong, repeatedly asks, during an on-camera interview, to not be quoted, and at 1:12, states that he knows of some Cuban refugees who escaped in a small boat made from a tree - and sailed to Panama - which suggests either some mad boat skills, or Kogut's utter madness.
Altogether, he reminds me a bit of a stunned chicken.
WINNER WHO WILL LIKELY LOSE: Scott Fortune, a civil rights attorney and Democrat who is challenging local one-woman political machine Corrine Brown for her seat in the 3rd Congressional District.
Unfortunately, Fortune will lose this race because of his unforgivable ability to string together three or more words into a comprehensible sentence, and the fact that he doesn't reflexively resort to corruption as a solution to every problem.
Fortune produced a video that recently aired on WJCT in which he travels the wonky, gerrymandered district (gizzard livers at 16:56), highlighting several small towns that are split up by the district, and other unpopulated areas that only include "critters".
Good luck Mr. Fortune, you're going to need it!
LOSER: Darrell Steven Muir, a St. Augustine loser who caused a three-car accident in St. Johns County. While passing an SUV, he clipped a car in the oncoming lane, hit the SUV he was passing, and caused it to hit a tree and burst into flames. Driver Deborah Ferrell and her two teenage daughters are currently at Shands with significant injuries.
Apparently escaping without serious injury, Muir left his car and ran into the woods without bothering to see if the wrecked car full of women might justify some attention. Muir, who was found boggling the mind early the next morning, was arrested while wandering around the crash site. Naturally, he was driving on a suspended license that he had gotten as a gold star for his DUI earlier in July.
Sir, why don't you do us all a favor and chain yourself to a radiator, and then drop that radiator off a bridge?
WINNER: Charles Shoemaker, a chemist at University of California-Davis, who recently headed up a study to use new methods to determine the actual purity of extra virgin olive oil. Their conclusion is that the International Olive Council and USDA have been getting it wrong all these years, and much of the oil is of poor quality.
According to the study, quite a bit of the oil sold as "Extra Virgin" has in fact lost some of its virginity to heat, light, improper extraction techniques or other problems in handling. This is probably annoying to a lot of people who thought they were buying uber-quality stuff for $45 a bottle at Harris Teeter, when in fact they could have gotten a similarly crappy product for $10 somewhere else.
The IOC responded by calling an urgent meeting of the Five Families.
LOSER IF YOU DO, LOSER IF YOU DON'T: Property Appraiser Jim Overton, who, in an attempt to comply with a 2007 environmental cleanup plan from the EPA, posted a warning on property records that around 1,900 sites are possibly contaminated with old incinerator ash. Unpredictably, this led to a class-action lawsuit against Overton's office by the homeowners, alleging that the warnings unfairly affected the value of their property. Overton is just doing his job, folks. Transparency is a good thing - would you prefer he just let you live on top of a pile of toxic ash?
I'm going to sprinkle some toxic dust on my bacon. Glow in the dark bacon for the win!
In addition to offering up his weekly winners and losers in The Jacksonville Observer, Graham Wellington enjoys bacon, fancy hats and prank calling apartment complexes on Park Street.