Winners & Losers: Jim Greer, Corrine Brown
The whole state is tired of you-know-who and you-know-who-else by now, who are more annoying than BASE jumpers were when I was previously employed as a jetpack steeplejack. From the peanut gallery, Lisa Nowak, the wacky astronaut, was in Jacksonville on Thursday attending a Navy hearing to determining whether or not she would be ejected from the service. The outcome hasn't been decided yet, but even in the worst case, she'll get to retire with a rather hefty retirement pay.
And now, the weekly lineup...
WINNER: Jim Greer, for trying to top Blogo. With tough economic times at home and the Middle East hopelessly lost, it's good to know that we can still depend on an old classic - the laughingstock. Our old buddy Greer has written a letter in which he politely asked for a refund on his $9,600 campaign contribution that he made to Governor Crist's Senate campaign. Greer needs the money, which he no doubt originally obtained through some shady and nefarious means, to fund his legal defense.
In addition to asking for the money, Greer also notified Crist that he and many others “...are simply liars, racists and extremists and while everyday Republicans and many within the RPOF are good people...” -- sorry, I don't know where to start laughing.
LOSER: Corrine “Sandbagger” Brown, for giving sandbags a bad name. Dean Black, who is running against Brown for her Congressional seat, delivered sandbags to her home on Thursday. Mrs. Sandbag had city workers stack the flood-repelling lumps in front of her house two years ago during Tropical Storm Fay, and she has been unable to live the incident down ever since. Unfortunately, Black was unable to leave the sandbags in or near Brown's yard...he was sent away by police who said he was obstructing the roadway.
WINNER: Wilbert Junior Snead, for knowing how to have fun. The 61 year-old transient was found wet and covered in soap, stomping crayons into the sidewalk around the fountain at Memorial Park around noon on Thursday. Police had received two complaints that Snead was bathing in the fountain, probably from a couple of navel-gazing no-fun mopey types. Although he was promptly hauled off to jail and charged with a boring old misdemeanor, I'm hoping that Snead will shortly go back to making Jacksonville a less boring place to walk around in the middle of the day.
LOSERS: Hank Croslin, Misty Cummings, Joe Overstreet and the rest of the ne'er do well gang for not being upfront or at all helpful about what really happened to Haleigh Cummings. Most recently, Croslin's attorney has said that Overstreet killed the young girl because of his inability to find an automatic weapon that he had left in Croslin's house, then dumped her body in the river in a trash bag. There's no explanation as to why Croslin and Cummings would have kept this a secret for so long, rather than simply being up front and going to the police. These people need to give the rest of the family some closure and simply say what they know about the incident.
WINNER: Harold Bergman, who recently turned 107 and is the kind of guy who makes long term care underwriters question their career choices. Now a resident of Cypress Village, Bergman is a regular at a nearby McDonald's, where he celebrated a birthday that most of us cannot even comprehend. A former lawyer, he was widowed and married his current wife Lillian (only 89 now) in 1993. The world's oldest man is currently about a month short of 114 years old, so if Bergman is with us for a few more years, we may have a global celebrity on our hands!
LOSERS: An unnamed tourist, impatient from waiting in line for Tower of Terror at Disneyland in California, decided to start his own version. According to Disneyland spokeswoman Suzi Brown: "The guest was standing in line with friends on a second-floor platform when he climbed over a barrier to the area below and lost his balance and fell approximately 25 feet." To no one's surprise, gravity worked just as expected.
In addition to offering up his weekly winners and losers in The Jacksonville Observer, Graham Wellington enjoys bacon, fancy hats and prank calling apartment complexes on Park Street.