Winners & Losers: Nocatee, Farmville
WINNER: Hilliard High School's football team, the Flashes, which FINALLY won a game this season. Breaking a five-game losing streak, Hilliard finally managed to prevail 14-6 over Oakleaf, who I've never even heard of before. Nevertheless, they did win something, which should be a nice consolation prize considering that there's only two more games left in the season – Baldwin and Chiefland.
LOSER: Alexandra Tobias, 22-year old Farmville addict who may soon be getting some real-life experience in prison farming – if the sentence is light. While at home, Tobias was apparently interrupted at an inconvenient time by her 3-month old child, who she proceeded to shake violently in frustration. After smoking a cigarette, she resumed shaking, and apparently killed the child.
Zynga's profitability vastly outweighs its usefulness.
LOSER: Nocatee, which you rarely hear about any more. I was down there earlier this week, and it's almost a ghost town, apparently a highly unfortunate victim of the combined housing crisis and economic downturn. They still cut the grass, but it looks like 80% of the lots have nothing built on them and are just pipes. Many houses have been built but not occupied, and some houses are only halfway done. A few neighborhoods are partly occupied, with neighborless residents wondering when they'll get some company... or liking the fact that they can park their cars in their unneighbors' driveways.
WINNER, I GUESS: William Lynch, a 44-year old man from San Francisco, made a trip to go visit Rev. Jerold Lindner, a Catholic priest in Los Gatos, California. After recalling that he had sexually abused him and his brother, Lynch beat the crap out of him, leaving the priest in fairly bad condition. Lynch was jailed, but many witnesses corroborate his story, and say they saw similar incidents from Lindner, who was apparently never disciplined and remains on the payroll. Although vigilantism is never a good idea, it's nevertheless an effective way of getting results.
In addition to offering up his weekly winners and losers in The Jacksonville Observer, Graham Wellington enjoys bacon, fancy hats and prank calling apartment complexes on Park Street.