Dear Japan,
We are happy that we’ve put the war behind us. After nearly 69 years we’ve agreed to let ‘by-gones’ be ‘by-gones’. In the next few days a man who thinks he represents America will enter your country and apologise for our aggressive attack on your country: he speaks for himself, not the majority of our country.
We are happy that you emulate us, and have formulated a wonderful symbiotic relationship with our gracious and forgiving people. We recommend that you learn this dynamic from our society as well. Let me be momentarily plain: “you attacked us, and we kicked your butts for doing so. You should stop whining, and accept your recompense, and our willingness to forgive you.” You might also be thankful that we’d not yet developed the hydrogen bomb.
You see, your attack on our country was initiated without a formal declaration of war, and was therefore most dishonorable. We have an idiom in America that says “you started it, we finished it”. The inference is that you initiated something that you were unable to complete successfully. Your weakness was you own liability, not ours. The American people as a whole DO NOT apologise, but we do forgive you.
What we DO apologise for is this silly little man with an bad case of narcissism. We would be grateful if you would feed him whatever it was that caused George HW Bush that embarrassing incident back in 1992.
Your gracious friend,
America
PS; the man apologising has been a big disappointment to our country as a whole. What would you charge us to keep him there?
